


Who Dies

by indefensibleselfindulgence



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-17 12:40:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16516691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indefensibleselfindulgence/pseuds/indefensibleselfindulgence
Summary: Tim, mourning.





	Who Dies

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this explicitly to make myself cry

He didn't get to mourn her.   
  
Tim finds out with the rest of them that Sasha has been dead for months, that she died alone in this shithole, and that the thing he's been talking with- flirting with like the good old days- had been from the same house of horrors that killed his brother.   
  
It's like swallowing hundreds of knives at once.   
  
They dated for a month, back when she still worked in artifact storage and he was just a part-time researcher. They only split because they were better as friends and then better as coworkers and he hadn't even fucking realized that she was gone.   
  
Too wrapped up in his own bullshit to notice.   
  
She doesn't even have a grave he could visit.   
  
So he leaves work and buys two eight-packs of barely passable beer and gets drunk and cries for the first time in years.   
  
What the fuck is he supposed to do with himself-   
  
Really?   
  
What the fuck _is he_ supposed to do?   
  
His throat burns and his hands shake, and everything hurts hurts hurts because one of his friends died, alone, painfully, in a place she hated more than any other thing in the world and he didn't even know.   
  
That thing almost killed him too.   
  
Danny's gone.   
  
Sasha's gone.   
  
Killed by the same awful bullshit and he can't even quit his fucking job.   
  
Their hands were soft, he remembers and breaks into another round of sobs realizing he's never going to get to touch either of them again.   
  
There's nowhere to mourn.   
  
Did anyone even tell her family?   
  
They laid in bed one night, and she told him about her life, and he lied to her about Danny like he lied to everyone else.   
  
No graves to visit, but they both knew his living room, and that's better than a graveyard anyway.   
  
He gives them tears and thinks about how they both smelled, and how they smiled, and how much better both of them were then he is. They would know what to do if he was gone. But then- better that they're the ones gone first.  
  
At least he couldn't make them sadder this way.   
  
He loathes to think about how horrified they both must have been.   
  
He loathes to think about how empty his life is without them.   
  
He drinks and cries and gives them whatever he possibly can in his pitch black apartment.   
  
They deserve better.   
  
They deserve to be alive, and he deserves to be with them and anywhere else.   
  
Somewhere sunny and warm, by a beach. With people who aren't scared and angry and sad all the time. Blue skies with the whitest clouds anyone's ever seen. They could go scuba diving or just drinking on the sand. Watch foreign films and eat good food and live a life that's so much better than the one he's still living along.   
  
He sleeps on the floor that day, curled in on himself and warm from the alcohol.  
  
He wakes up at noon to a text from Elias telling him he can miss work today.

Tim throws his phone off the balcony.

**Author's Note:**

> comments are always encouraged and very very very appreciated
> 
> [ talk at me here](http://iamalivenow.tumblr.com/)


End file.
